Monday, July 31, 2017

Lisa A. Romano

Life changes are difficult for everyone. When we are faced with confronting our addictions, failed marriages, troubled children, or we are told we are facing a major health crisis, in most cases, many of us realize something, although we may not know what, something has to change.
All those times we drank, popped a pill, had sex, argued, or fell asleep, instead of listening to our divine inner guidance leads us to places in our life where the pain has become so excruciating we burn out. Our once smiley codependent, people pleasing dispositions have been buried by all the stuffing and denying we have done for the sake of not rocking the boat. And it's not that we don't want to rock the boat as much as it is we don't know what to do when we actually do rock the boat.
One of the reasons I feel so compelled to speak out on behalf of all the silent abused adult children of the world is because I simply do not think it is fair that those of us who have been denied healthy coping skills, meaningful life lessons, and who have been abandoned in some way by the very people who were supposed to take care of them, lose out on creating the types of destinies we deserve. We ALL have the right to live happily and have meaningful lives. BUT, when your subconscious programming has you reacting instead of taking action on your destinies behalf, you cannot create. You can only ruminate, recreate, rinse, recycle, and repeat your pasts.
On the road back to me, I figured out that no matter what has happened to us in our childhoods, within us is the power to change our lives and our destinies. Yep! You possess the power to change no different than anyone else on this planet--BUT you MUST CHANGE in order to CHANGE your world.
I know, I know, I know....of course you want to change and of course you would change if you knew how. And that is why it is so important that we all firmly get it through our heads sooner than later that our mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses, bosses, employees, and friends are not going to change for us. However, when WE change, we change the world.
Once you stop expecting the emotionally blind and the spiritually deaf to hear, you can finally get on with your own life. Nope, this is not easy work. To change, you will be asked to alter your own neural wiring. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This IS the absolute most challenging and meaningful work anyone could ever do.
To change you need two major mindset shifts.
1) You must be humble enough and willing enough to change.
2) You must be willing to use self-control as you change.
Sounds simple right? Nope...
Try it and let us know how you do.
Today's Love Life Anyway Challenge is to see if you can remember a time in your life where you actually DID change. You noticed something about your life you didn't like and YOU decided to change. How did you change your destiny?
Share with us if you feel so inclined.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Quentin Tarantino on Terry Gilliam as Sundance Institute Mentor

Real wisdom here

Israel, learn from the Italians

Sonny: What have I been telling you, sometimes hurting someone ain't the answer. First of all, is he a friend of yours?
Colagero: No, I don't even like him.
Sonny: You don't even like him. There's your answer right there. Look at it this way, it cost you twenty dollars to get rid of him. Right? He's never gonna bother you again. He's never gonna ask you for money again. He's out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget about it.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

I knew they were wrong

I became frum without the aid of the kiruv apparatus. I just figured it out. But I soon met people that encouraged my attendance in yeshiva, not just encouraged but presented it as the only next step. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. Moving to to a frum neighborhood and attending classes might have been a necessary next step, but not quitting my life and cloistering myself in a yeshiva.
Anyway, I agreed to go. I wanted to go to a place in Monsey, NY but once again encountered pressure to attend a specific yeshiva in Israel. This is one of most horrible traits of Jews, to pressure, nudge, nag, and generally ignore people's instincts and inclinations. I had no interest in going to Israel. I was going through enough changes and figured I better do this closer to home.
But they persisted. My feelings didn't count. This is the best yeshiva they said. And Israel is so special. You have to study in Israel. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. As Rav Hirsch tells us, first comes Sinai, then Eretz Yisroel. First you become a Torah Jew, then you go on to be one in the Holy Land. But Zionism has overtaken even the yeshiva world unfortunately as these were rabbis that considered themselves yeshivish and probably even anti-Zionist. But some more soul searching was needed there. They valued land on its own as much as Torah. They had the Israel bug.
Anyway, I agreed to go. The yeshiva was something of a nut house. They had a very limited program that was focused on Gemara study, six pages of it to be exact. They didn't teach halacha, Mishnah, Nach, philosophy, grammar, history. They didn't teach anything about emmunah or bitachon or basics of Judaism. They didn't teach us about tefillah, Shabbos, or the holidays. They didn't have Gemara bekius. There was no aggadatah. They didn't teach anything about the background or language of the Gemara. We just charged into it. For me it was like charging into a wall. I asked the rabbis there if I could study Mishnah, halacha, Nach and everything else they were not teaching. They told me that all of that was unnecessary. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. It was all quite necessary. This was becoming a pattern, encountering rabbis who were just so wrong.
Another trait of this yeshiva was its elitism. Instead of gently introducing us to the frum world and all its factions, they hit us every day with talks about how bad the frum world was, how bad all of the other yeshivas were, particularly the BT ones. The students used to jokingly call the other yeshivas "the enemies" because that's how they were presented to us.
The other enemy was ourselves. We were arrogant and ignorant. We couldn't trust ourselves. That was the daily message.
Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong in using this approach. It's sick. Why would a person put up with it? Well, a BT is like a baby. He learns that there's this external authority that he must listen to, one written in a language he can't understand in part because the yeshiva refuses to teach it. The authority says to do things that are not logical - put boxes on your head, wave fruit in the air. It becomes hard to judge right from wrong after a while. So the BT is kind of stuck trusting the people around him. They wield an awesome power.
This yeshiva, though situated in Israel, discouraged Aliyah. Also, they kicked you out after two years, another little ideological ideosyncracy of theirs. So here's what happens, you have been taught not to trust anyone but them, you have been taught to distrust yourself. And then they ship you off to America  but there you are on your own without even yourself. This was in the days before the Internet when communication with Israel was difficult and usually conducted on super thin blue mailing paper. I recall arriving back in New York not in a state of newly found grace and faith but of sheer terror.
Pretty crazy huh? You must study in Israel but you can't live there. Why one without the other?
I think the answer is that we are dealing with some very selfish people. They want to live in Israel and they want to run a school. They also want to have unique shittos that show the world how smart they are. Their shittah is that you the BT can't live there. No matter that the whole package leaves a brand new BT who has left his entire life support system behind living in a kind of abyss. If you are going to take over a person's life then you have to stick with him. You can't nullify his brain and kick him out the door.  It takes a pretty hard hearted person to actually carryout such an approach but unfortunately that's what we have today in many, many cases. It's an era of selfishness and arrogance and stupidity. People just don't think anything through. They mimick here, mimick there, make something up. The result is a bunch of conflicting cliches that they call a shittah.
The BT walks into all of this. Whenever I met a new BT my heart goes out to him. You'd think I'd be happy for him. If people just left him alone, let him start keeping the mitzvos which is a huge battle unto itself, and gradually grow to love Hashem and Torah life - then I'd be happy for him. But that's not what happens for the most part. BTs walk into a cyclone of wet-noodle ideologies and polictical wars. I know I did.
I survived. I took names too.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

The work of the Sitro Achro

Alan Brill, a Modern Orthodox Jewish studies professor, posted recently a write-up of the thought of Eli Sadan, who Brill calls “the leading intellectual influence of the Religious Zionist world” and “the architect of the religious military preparatory programs, Bnai David, which in turn became a model for the others.” According to Brill, “the average school principal or teacher is a product of his worldview.” It is important to note that Brill admires Sadan and his book His Hands Remained Steady, which Brill summarizes. As disturbing as what follows may be, Brill is not trying to portray something negative but something positive. The write-up gives us a glimpse into the values of the RZ world and how they differ from Torah values and sanity. Some excerpts (I put in bold the most telling sentences):

The main purpose of Sadan’s preparatory program and of his teaching is to mediate the tension between the ideal Torah view and the requirements of the State, the government and the army (described here in a prior post by Elisheva Rosman-Stollman). To do this, Sadan invests the government and the army with messianic import as the realistic arm by which God’s providence takes place, similar to the kings in the Bible.”

In his vision, there is never a heresy in the authority of the state. Religion and Torah scholars define democracy. Refusal of orders is not an option.”

The most important chapter is chapter four where he defines democracy as the collective work of the Jewish people to realize the messianic vision. He is against any form of minority rights, civil rights or liberal democratic principles. Additionally, since the government is like the kings of ancient Israel, he affirms Divine right of Prime Minister and he thinks the military police advance humanity. The message is that the current state is the Divine presence on earth and we have to study the current events through Torah eyes. This is a very strong exceptionalism outside of all secular and liberal understandings of politics and in which everything in the world and in Israel revolves around religious Zionism.

It is worth comparing this pre-millennial dispensation model to the Evangelical versions in the United States or the anti-liberal democratic Muslim thinkers. How does this compare to American dominionists like pastor Hagee or Islamic democrats like Yusef Al-Qaradawi. My own interest is what does this make of the Jewish religion? Torah study, prayer, ethics, and mizvot take a back burner to realizing the millinarian vision. One should compare this Torah to other recent formulations of Torah, either spiritual or intellectual conceptual.”

The Third Chapter is on the ideological battle his students will face. For Sadan, there is no freedom of thought in Israel because the left controls everything. Liberal pluralism is entirely wrong and nonsense. We need truth and justice of the Torah to be stressed in the public sphere. Pluralism is not tolerance but against truth and the Torah. For example, didn’t Bibi Netanyahu’s  "Terrorism: How the West Can Win"  1986  already prove that all Palestinians are terrorists but this truth does not matter to the Israeli pluralists and the media who ignore the truth.  Bibi’s book becomes part of the secrets of the redemption.”

Chapter Six is on the holiness of the State. The building of the state is a mizvah of Torah. The centrality of inheriting the land is the pillar of the Torah. Statements in the Bible such as being a “nation of priests”  or “one nation” and all other statements are about nation building. The whole Torah and its very essence is about state building.  The State of Israel is God’s presence on earth.”
Chapter Eight is on the possibility of tensions between religious Zionism and the State. He answers that there are not any tensions if everyone is working for the collective. The Prime minister should be treated as an angel of God; he is like a king of ancient Israel given by God. There is a divine right of prime Ministers as God’s chosen leader. We are not to change what most people want.  We need to pray for the success of the Prime Minister.” (End of excerpts. Full post here: https://kavvanah.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/rabbi-eliezer-sadan-rav-eli-sadan-his-hands-remained-steady/)

For me, these are some of the most disturbing words I have ever seen. They resemble the writings of Italian dictator Mussolini. He wrote, “All within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state.” and “The keystone of the Fascist doctrine is its conception of the State, of its essence, its functions, and its aims. For Fascism the State is absolute, individuals and groups relative.” And mostly chillingly, “Fascism is a religion. The twentieth century will be known in history as the century of Fascism.”

Mussolini's fascism ruled Italy before and during World War II, which is approximately the same period in which fascism ruled in Germany, Spain, and Romania and totalitarianism in Japan, the USSR and elsewhere, the same period in which the State of Israel emerged. Coincidence? We see otherwise from the writings of Sadan. It is worth noting that Romanian fascism utilized theology and religious symbolism.

I can't decide which of Sadan's views, as summarized by Brill, is the most off the rails but this one is a good candidate, "The whole Torah and its very essence is about state building." This is such crazy comment that I struggle to see why I need to refute it for any Jew that has ever studied the Torah. Sefer Bereshis and the trials and wanderings of the Avos and Imahos – state building? What about Shemos and slavery in Egypt, the receiving of the Torah? Or Vayikra and its detailing of mitzvos? Was the Talmud, which discusses so many topics, in essence about state building? Can we say anything more absurd? Tractates Kiddushin, Gittin, Brachos, Rosh Hashanah, Yoma, Baba Kama? Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai in the cave with his sons studying Torah -- state building? How? What was 2,000 years in Exile about? Would Sadan say that the lives of Rav and Shmuel, Rav Ashi, Sadya Gaon, Rashi, the Rambam, the Maharal, the Vilna Gaon, the Baal Shem Tov, the Chofetz Chaim, and R' Moshe Feinstein, to name just a few, who lived in exile, were only a preparation for us and our magnificent work in pouring concrete.

Was the Jewish Agency the presence of God when it was cutting off the peyos of Jewish children in the 1940s? And what about the State and the Yemenite children in the 1950s? When he refers to the military police advancing humanity is that the same military police that knocked three teeth out of the mouth of the little boy in Meah Sha'arim last month? When the national anthem of the country doesn't mention God can it be the anthem of the instrument of God? When the founder of modern Zionism Herzl proposed that all Jews convert to Catholicism was he serving as an instrument of God of the Jews?

And to think that RZs have taken over many leadership positions in the military. One can see why the Charedim want no part of the military as the military is not just a defense force, particularly in the religious units. It's an idol worship, a brain washing, and a madness. For the best rebuttal of all, I give you the words of the world-renown Torah sage and leader HaGaon HaRav Chayim Ozer Grodzensky zt'l ((1863-1940):

Your honour knows that in the matter of the Zionists and the Mizrachi, I am in correspondence with the Gaonim of this generation, and all of them have decided that Zionism is the work of the Sitro Achro with all its seductions and incitements for the purpose of turning Israel from the good path, and that a great danger arises from it for all the Congregation of the Exile--Heaven forbid--and that all those who venture to defend the Zionists, are no better than they.

To our shame, some rabbis in our country have joined the Zionists and have founded an organisation under the name of Mizrachi, and they have rejected all the rebukes of the Gedoilei Hatorah, and they pretend to be men with respect for the Word of the Lord. They have founded committees and it is likely that they will turn to your honour. I am therefore informing your honour that all the Gedoilim in our land are perplexed at the matter. In the books of the Poskim there is no suggestion that it is our duty to found a kingdom. On the contrary, our sages, the Tenoim and the Amoiroim, have expressly forbidden this. These rabbis of the Mizrachi have no faith, and do not trust in the salvation of the Lord and their minds have become deranged into believing that in a state founded by the hands of man there will be peace for us.”

[HaGaon HaTzadick HaRav Chayim Ozer Grodzensky zt'l in the Transformation (Brooklyn, NY: Hachomo, 1989) p. 187)] 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Women's violence: Truth revealed after 50 years

Truth revealed after 50 years 'Study determines women most at risk of being harmed by men are those who themselves engage in physical violence against men'.

Prof. Zeev Weinstock of the University of Haifa, one of the world's leading experts on violence between spouses, revealed this week the truth about violence between spouses, a truth hidden from the public.

Weinstock made an emotional speech at the first ever meeting of the Distributive Justice and Social Equality Committee, headed by MK Mickey Zohar (Likud). "For almost 50 years we have known that men's violence towards women takes place in similar proportions to the violence that women use against men in intimate relationships, in almost every culture and society that we know," said Weinstock, "from traditional societies to liberal Western societies.


Advice

"Only take advice from someone you really respect and if that advice doesn't suit you man, don't listen to it." Mitch Hedburg

Saturday, July 1, 2017

songwriting is channeling

songwriting is channeling
i've learned to get out of my own way and be surprised by the song

john mellencamp, paraphrased