The rule of 10

While there's a place in life for fear as a tool for grasping reality, excessive fear can take you out of reality. To gauge where one is holding, I suggest the rule of 10.

How does this work? Picture any situation on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no problem at all and 10 being really bad. Most of life is 1, 2, 3. Challenging situations can rise to 5,6,7. Rarely do we hit 8 and above in reality. However, our fears if unchecked can picture 10, 20, 30, 100.

Watch your meter. Are you seeing 100? Does that match reality? It can't really be at 100.

Now let's take something subtle like desire - for food, companionship, sex. If we tempt ourselves too much - hanging out at the bakery - it can feel like the meter will burst through 10. But really, it probably isn't any higher than 8. The body has limits, gets tired. While it may feel like we will burst if we don't get the chocolate cake, probably, really, the meter is peaking at 8 and will subside if we hang tight for a few minutes. Desires don't normally peak without our assistance, even ones that seem to have a mind of their own.

Now if you are not getting basic needs met, the needle can sit quite high, and it can be incredibly painful. But this doesn't mean you will die. A meter reading of 8 is very bad but not death. But sometimes the meter is moving so fast you think it will keep rising and never stop. But it will stop. Physical desire has to stop because it's rooted in the body which gets tired.

So hang tight and go out and get your needs met. You are lonely, or hungry. You hate your boss. Whatever it may be.  Improve the situation in a healthy and dignified way. It may take a little time - weeks, months. But you can last it out. The meter is at 8. You can live for a while at 8 bad as it may be. Solutions will come.

Mistake-prone Panthers lose their identity and flub in Super Bowl 50

I didn't watch the Super Bowl, well, only 60 seconds of it, so why do I care? Because we learn an important lesson here. You need an identity to get through life. And somebody else's identity won't do. Your identity has much to do with your inborn personality as well as your experiences. You can grow, change, be influenced for the better, but still must honor your nature to a meaningful extent. Allowing your opponent to take you out of your game, as athletes often phrase it, is a sure way to lose. Sometimes one thinks, I'll obey this boss, this spouse, this parent - any authority figure - and all will be well.

And then you can't figure out why they kick you down the road or kick you out of the room. You need to stand tall and be yourself - your best self - but your self or you don't stand a chance.