Wow watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjH8iib-pXU

Go Easy on the BT

What's meant by the posuk: בְּלֵ֣ב נָ֖בוֹן תָּנ֣וּחַ חָכְמָ֑ה . (Proverbs 14:33)

בְּלֵ֣ב נָ֖בוֹן in the heart of an understanding man

תָּנ֣וּחַ חָכְמָ֑ה wisdom is at rest. It rests. 

Wisdom rests in the heart of an understanding man. "וּבְקֶ֥רֶב כְּ֜סִילִ֗ים תִּוָּדֵֽעַ." But in the midst of fools, the wisdom becomes known. 

What does that mean? Wisdom in the heart of understanding people rests. It's in repose. But in the heart of fools, wisdom becomes known. What does that mean? 

Explains. בְּלֵ֣ב נָ֖בוֹן תָּנ֣וּחַ חָכְמָ֑ה

In the heart of understanding man, wisdom rests. Zeh talmid chocham ben talmid chocham. It's a man who is learned in the Torah and his father also was a talmid chocham. So the son is not excited. He's accustomed to Torah. He's not conceited about it. There's nothing so exceptional about it. He was born in that house. That's the atmosphere he breathed since he was a child. So the chochmah reposes in his heart. 

And the truth is it's a virtue. He is more rooted, more well-founded in Torah. A chocham ben chocham. The chochmah there is well grounded in him. But וּבְקֶ֥רֶב כְּ֜סִילִ֗ים תִּוָּדֵֽעַ, In the heart of fools, the chochmah is known. It means a fool, zeh talmid chocham ben am ha'aretz. His father is an am ha'aretz. But he became a talmid chocham. And the son is excited about Torah. And he talks about it all the time. Whatever he learned, even a little bit, he likes to advertise it. It's spectacular, still new to him. 

Now, there's a benefit here and a disadvantage. In the heart of the talmid chocham ben talmid chachom, we are more guaranteed that it will remain תָּנ֣וּחַ חָכְמָ֑ה because he's brought up that way. There's no other way of life except Torah. And therefore the Torah in his heart will always be in his heart. 

But if he's a baal teshuvah, let's say he came from a house where there was no Torah. Doesn't mean his father was a sinner. In those days you didn't have any sinners. But his father wasn't a talmid chocham. And he became a learner. So it's not so certain that it will remain with him. It could be sometimes in his life, chalilah, a tragedy that'll upset him, he might stop learning for learning is not the breath of his nostrils. He saw a house without learning.  So it could be he might reverse. 

That's why you have to be careful, the Sefer Chasidm says, when you are dealing with a son of irr-religious parents. Be careful with him because sometimes if you are too strict with him he might go back to the ways of his parents. Whereas the son of frum people you can be more strict with him because his model is his home. A frum home. 

So, a talmid chachom ben am haaretz in his heart, the chochmah doesn't rest. However, there's a disadvantage too. The talmid chocham ben chocham takes it for granted. Always saw it, always had it. Didn't know what it meant to be without it always talking and spreading the word. He has a fire in him.

 not sure of the which recording,maybe Keeping Calm, Tape # 692, 1:25:23

How does one look for good points in a parent that antagonizes him always?

How does one look for good points in a parent that antagonizes him always?

And the answer is, it depends. If the parent opposes the son's or the daughter's being observant, then don't bother looking for good points. A parent that's not a friend of Yiddishkite doesn't have any privilege of being a parent. And therefore although you have to beware of being too insolent to them, don't waste any time in looking for good points in them. We are talking about normal decent parents who are willing and eager that their son should walk in the ways of the Jewish nation. And for them that's the mitzvah of civud av v'aim.

R' Avigdor Miller, #497 Hodu, 1:06:53

The New Jew

I moved recently from a Dati Leumi (National Religious) neighborhood to a Charedi one. The move was necessary. When I came to Israel, I didn't know that the Modern Orthodox (ie. Dati Leumi) here are often far less religious than than the least observant ones in America. I saw women in baggy pants in Teaneck but mini-skirts? Also, while the American Modern Orthodox are very fixated on college and careers, in Israel it's all about the military. College I can pass off as secular wisdom, depending on what one studies, but all this military stuff is hard for me to absorb into my picture of Jewish life. All Israeli-Palestinian politics aside – and I don't see it as good guy verses bad guy – involvement in the military seems to me to harden young people but not in a good way. They look damaged to me. When I suggest this to Dati Leumi parents they as a rule take great umbrage and proclaim how proud they are of their children for their “military service.” They can be proud all day long. It doesn't mean the kid wasn't damaged. For the Dati Leumi my view is blasphemy, literally. But I see the worship of the military as blasphemy, literally. So that neighborhood wasn't a good fit for me.

The Charedi neighborhood is another world. Kids play outside together. The mothers sit outside watching them. Men hold sefarim as they walk to shul. Interactions with them are much more pleasant than with the typical Israeli. In the DL neighborhood, the streets are much emptier of children. I suppose they were home playing with electronic devices. I was very rarely permitted entry into a DL home but when for various reasons I did enter one, sure enough the children and the parents were on their devices. And that is certainly the case with teenagers and adults on the streets. Right arms seem to all have grown by the portion of the I-phone that sticks out from the hand.

So throughout the move we had to deal with various workmen, most of which seem to be former IDF people. You can always tell by the aggressiveness with which they do everything. We had an appliance repairman who was supposed to look at our AC but first went to our circuit breaker and shut off all the lights in the house. He didn't say he was going to do this. He just did it, at night, as the people in my family were engaged in various activities that depended on the light. It was a little scary and dangerous. One person was on a step stool at the time.

One workman, an American oleh, who was Orthodox, made some comment about the Peleg demonstrations and mentioned that he was in the military. I started to probe him as I always try to do to learn more about the military. What was it like? Was it anti-religious? Did they try to brainwash you? (I only ask the latter questions of religious people.)

He told me, like many have, that the rough handling of basic training was very hard to take. Lots of screaming and demands to do ridiculously arduous physical tasks. It left him depressed. But he didn't feel that he was brainwashed against religion. He was in a non-religious unit but was able to be religious there for the most part. I didn't inquire as to his standards of kashrus or mixing with the opposite sex. The couldn't have been very high as it was a mixed unit. He talked about how he made a kiddush Hashem by studying Torah. Unfortunately, for many people today Torah study has become nearly the entirety of Torah observance.

Then he got to talking about Arabs. About how they all want to kill us, and they only understand violence, and that the Israeli military is so moral and drops leaflets before it bombs apartment buildings, and how Jews never kill anybody.

This got us arguing of course because I don't believe any of that stuff and nobody I have ever met uses facts to prove it, only assertions that seem to me entirely self-serving. For if that's all true, we have every right to be extremely tough with the Arabs. They are trying to kill us right?

And I realized, he was indeed brainwashed. It's not that he received 19^th century style attacks on the Talmud. The brainwashing is in being taught to be a killer. And this is what many gadolim have told us about Nationalism (Zionism). That the haskalah didn't succeed in pulling everyone from Judaism with its attacks on Judaism so Nationalism stepped in to create a new definition of a Jew. With Nationalism you don't have to become a communist or an Xtian, no you can still be a Jew, an even better Jew, one that isn't meek and golus-like.

And that's what I saw in this workman with the long beard. He was aggressive in his style. Our debate was not a debate. It was violence without fists, mostly on his part. He was ferocious. And I imagined how he acted as a soldier. He told me some of it. How Arabs had to learn to obey.

I see why Likud never really considers a state for Palestinians. The military is their avodah. And the Israeli military is all about aggressiveness, striking first, being sneaky, being bold. It's an entire personality type. It's the new Jew. They wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they had peace.

So they brainwash the soldiers to justify brutality. Every colonial force does this – from Columbus to the Nazis. So you can tell me that the military doesn't obstruct Shabbos observance or Torah study. There's more to Judaism than that. The Gemara in Makkos tells us that all mitzvos are built around faith in Hashem. That's the essence of the mitzvos and of the Jew. We are devoted to Hashem.

The Dati Leumi are dedicated to the army and the state that serves it. Shabbos observance comes along for the ride. The men who founded the state were rebels against Judaism. Bold people by nature. And since they stuck their state in the middle of Arab societies that don't want to be dominated by Westerners, they were able to cajole the rest of us into taking on their style in order to battle the Arabs. We are supposed to be a people of humility, modesty, and compassion. The army creates arrogance, immodesty, and hardheartedness. It is the anti-Jew. I'm not saying that every solder is a stone-faced killer. But I am saying that the army brings them down, makes them more that way than they normally would be. The leaders and the policies are cruel and the soldiers are terribly influenced by it as they carry out orders. Many try to retain their humanity but three years is a long time for a young person to hold up an undeveloped personality against a ferocious owner. And while you are in the military, it owns you. Nationalism doesn't convert the Jew to some other religion but rather converts the Jewish religion to something that we have no word for really - fascism comes closest. It certainly isn't Torah Judaism. I can see that in the difference between my old neighborhood and my new one.  

rock legends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEWX9NLnKHA

i would have thought the roof would blow off with these guys singing together

I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life

in a world that keeps on pushin' me around

but I'll stand my ground, and I won't back down

Tom Petty Jeff Lynne 

one becomes tempted to become xtian

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UwnvxVevU4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPgZodtOTY4

A Really Good One

You gotta forgive to live.

The Way They Used to Debate

Resolved: That We Should Move towards Privatization, Including the Schools-Part I

Blame

Economists deal with the allocation of scarce resources, blame is not a scarce resource.

Thomas Sowell

Nothing new

The law locks up the man or woman
Who steals the goose from off the common
But leaves the greater villain loose
Who steals the common from off the goose.

Anonymous, in The Tickler Magazine, February 1, 1821

first lesson

“The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.”

Thomas Sowell 

Lisa A. Romano

Lisa A. Romano

17 hrs · 

Life changes are difficult for everyone. When we are faced with confronting our addictions, failed marriages, troubled children, or we are told we are facing a major health crisis, in most cases, many of us realize something, although we may not know what, something has to change.

All those times we drank, popped a pill, had sex, argued, or fell asleep, instead of listening to our divine inner guidance leads us to places in our life where the pain has become so excruciating we burn out. Our once smiley codependent, people pleasing dispositions have been buried by all the stuffing and denying we have done for the sake of not rocking the boat. And it's not that we don't want to rock the boat as much as it is we don't know what to do when we actually do rock the boat.

One of the reasons I feel so compelled to speak out on behalf of all the silent abused adult children of the world is because I simply do not think it is fair that those of us who have been denied healthy coping skills, meaningful life lessons, and who have been abandoned in some way by the very people who were supposed to take care of them, lose out on creating the types of destinies we deserve. We ALL have the right to live happily and have meaningful lives. BUT, when your subconscious programming has you reacting instead of taking action on your destinies behalf, you cannot create. You can only ruminate, recreate, rinse, recycle, and repeat your pasts.

On the road back to me, I figured out that no matter what has happened to us in our childhoods, within us is the power to change our lives and our destinies. Yep! You possess the power to change no different than anyone else on this planet--BUT you MUST CHANGE in order to CHANGE your world.

I know, I know, I know....of course you want to change and of course you would change if you knew how. And that is why it is so important that we all firmly get it through our heads sooner than later that our mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses, bosses, employees, and friends are not going to change for us. However, when WE change, we change the world.

Once you stop expecting the emotionally blind and the spiritually deaf to hear, you can finally get on with your own life. Nope, this is not easy work. To change, you will be asked to alter your own neural wiring. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This IS the absolute most challenging and meaningful work anyone could ever do.

To change you need two major mindset shifts.

1) You must be humble enough and willing enough to change.
2) You must be willing to use self-control as you change.

Sounds simple right? Nope...

Try it and let us know how you do.

Today's Love Life Anyway Challenge is to see if you can remember a time in your life where you actually DID change. You noticed something about your life you didn't like and YOU decided to change. How did you change your destiny?

Share with us if you feel so inclined.

#destiny #changedestiny #fatebydesign #healing #recovery #survivor#overcome #inspiration #narcissisticabuserecovery #codependency#codependent #lisaaromano #breakthroughlifecoach #breakthrough

Quentin Tarantino on Terry Gilliam as Sundance Institute Mentor

Real wisdom here

Israel, learn from the Italians

Sonny: What have I been telling you, sometimes hurting someone ain't the answer. First of all, is he a friend of yours?

Colagero: No, I don't even like him.

Sonny: You don't even like him. There's your answer right there. Look at it this way, it cost you twenty dollars to get rid of him. Right? He's never gonna bother you again. He's never gonna ask you for money again. He's out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget about it.

I knew they were wrong

I became frum without the aid of the kiruv apparatus. I just figured it out. But I soon met people that encouraged my attendance in yeshiva, not just encouraged but presented it as the only next step. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. Moving to to a frum neighborhood and attending classes might have been a necessary next step, but not quitting my life and cloistering myself in a yeshiva.
Anyway, I agreed to go. I wanted to go to a place in Monsey, NY but once again encountered pressure to attend a specific yeshiva in Israel. This is one of most horrible traits of Jews, to pressure, nudge, nag, and generally ignore people's instincts and inclinations. I had no interest in going to Israel. I was going through enough changes and figured I better do this closer to home.
But they persisted. My feelings didn't count. This is the best yeshiva they said. And Israel is so special. You have to study in Israel. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. As Rav Hirsch tells us, first comes Sinai, then Eretz Yisroel. First you become a Torah Jew, then you go on to be one in the Holy Land. But Zionism has overtaken even the yeshiva world unfortunately as these were rabbis that considered themselves yeshivish and probably even anti-Zionist. But some more soul searching was needed there. They valued land on its own as much as Torah. They had the Israel bug.
Anyway, I agreed to go. The yeshiva was something of a nut house. They had a very limited program that was focused on Gemara study, six pages of it to be exact. They didn't teach halacha, Mishnah, Nach, philosophy, grammar, history. They didn't teach anything about emmunah or bitachon or basics of Judaism. They didn't teach us about tefillah, Shabbos, or the holidays. They didn't have Gemara bekius. There was no aggadatah. They didn't teach anything about the background or language of the Gemara. We just charged into it. For me it was like charging into a wall. I asked the rabbis there if I could study Mishnah, halacha, Nach and everything else they were not teaching. They told me that all of that was unnecessary. Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong. It was all quite necessary. This was becoming a pattern, encountering rabbis who were just so wrong.
Another trait of this yeshiva was its elitism. Instead of gently introducing us to the frum world and all its factions, they hit us every day with talks about how bad the frum world was, how bad all of the other yeshivas were, particularly the BT ones. The students used to jokingly call the other yeshivas "the enemies" because that's how they were presented to us.
The other enemy was ourselves. We were arrogant and ignorant. We couldn't trust ourselves. That was the daily message.
Looking back, I can say with confidence that they were wrong in using this approach. It's sick. Why would a person put up with it? Well, a BT is like a baby. He learns that there's this external authority that he must listen to, one written in a language he can't understand in part because the yeshiva refuses to teach it. The authority says to do things that are not logical - put boxes on your head, wave fruit in the air. It becomes hard to judge right from wrong after a while. So the BT is kind of stuck trusting the people around him. They wield an awesome power.
This yeshiva, though situated in Israel, discouraged Aliyah. Also, they kicked you out after two years, another little ideological ideosyncracy of theirs. So here's what happens, you have been taught not to trust anyone but them, you have been taught to distrust yourself. And then they ship you off to America  but there you are on your own without even yourself. This was in the days before the Internet when communication with Israel was difficult and usually conducted on super thin blue mailing paper. I recall arriving back in New York not in a state of newly found grace and faith but of sheer terror.
Pretty crazy huh? You must study in Israel but you can't live there. Why one without the other?
I think the answer is that we are dealing with some very selfish people. They want to live in Israel and they want to run a school. They also want to have unique shittos that show the world how smart they are. Their shittah is that you the BT can't live there. No matter that the whole package leaves a brand new BT who has left his entire life support system behind living in a kind of abyss. If you are going to take over a person's life then you have to stick with him. You can't nullify his brain and kick him out the door.  It takes a pretty hard hearted person to actually carryout such an approach but unfortunately that's what we have today in many, many cases. It's an era of selfishness and arrogance and stupidity. People just don't think anything through. They mimick here, mimick there, make something up. The result is a bunch of conflicting cliches that they call a shittah.
The BT walks into all of this. Whenever I met a new BT my heart goes out to him. You'd think I'd be happy for him. If people just left him alone, let him start keeping the mitzvos which is a huge battle unto itself, and gradually grow to love Hashem and Torah life - then I'd be happy for him. But that's not what happens for the most part. BTs walk into a cyclone of wet-noodle ideologies and polictical wars. I know I did.
I survived. I took names too.

The work of the Sitro Achro

Alan Brill, a Modern Orthodox Jewish studies professor, posted recently a write-up of the thought of Eli Sadan, who Brill calls “the leading intellectual influence of the Religious Zionist world” and “the architect of the religious military preparatory programs, Bnai David, which in turn became a model for the others.” According to Brill, “the average school principal or teacher is a product of his worldview.” It is important to note that Brill admires Sadan and his book His Hands Remained Steady, which Brill summarizes. As disturbing as what follows may be, Brill is not trying to portray something negative but something positive. The write-up gives us a glimpse into the values of the RZ world and how they differ from Torah values and sanity. Some excerpts (I put in bold the most telling sentences):

“The main purpose of Sadan’s preparatory program and of his teaching is to mediate the tension between the ideal Torah view and the requirements of the State, the government and the army (described here in a prior post by Elisheva Rosman-Stollman). To do this, Sadan invests the government and the army with messianic import as the realistic arm by which God’s providence takes place, similar to the kings in the Bible.”

“In his vision, there is never a heresy in the authority of the state. Religion and Torah scholars define democracy. Refusal of orders is not an option.”

“The most important chapter is chapter four where he defines democracy as the collective work of the Jewish people to realize the messianic vision. He is against any form of minority rights, civil rights or liberal democratic principles. Additionally, since the government is like the kings of ancient Israel, he affirms Divine right of Prime Minister and he thinks the military police advance humanity. The message is that the current state is the Divine presence on earth and we have to study the current events through Torah eyes. This is a very strong exceptionalism outside of all secular and liberal understandings of politics and in which everything in the world and in Israel revolves around religious Zionism.

“It is worth comparing this pre-millennial dispensation model to the Evangelical versions in the United States or the anti-liberal democratic Muslim thinkers. How does this compare to American dominionists like pastor Hagee or Islamic democrats like Yusef Al-Qaradawi. My own interest is what does this make of the Jewish religion? Torah study, prayer, ethics, and mizvot take a back burner to realizing the millinarian vision. One should compare this Torah to other recent formulations of Torah, either spiritual or intellectual conceptual.”

“The Third Chapter is on the ideological battle his students will face. For Sadan, there is no freedom of thought in Israel because the left controls everything. Liberal pluralism is entirely wrong and nonsense. We need truth and justice of the Torah to be stressed in the public sphere. Pluralism is not tolerance but against truth and the Torah. For example, didn’t Bibi Netanyahu’s  "Terrorism: How the West Can Win"  1986  already prove that all Palestinians are terrorists but this truth does not matter to the Israeli pluralists and the media who ignore the truth.  Bibi’s book becomes part of the secrets of the redemption.”

“Chapter Six is on the holiness of the State. The building of the state is a mizvah of Torah. The centrality of inheriting the land is the pillar of the Torah. Statements in the Bible such as being a “nation of priests”  or “one nation” and all other statements are about nation building. The whole Torah and its very essence is about state building.  The State of Israel is God’s presence on earth.”

“Chapter Eight is on the possibility of tensions between religious Zionism and the State. He answers that there are not any tensions if everyone is working for the collective. The Prime minister should be treated as an angel of God; he is like a king of ancient Israel given by God. There is a divine right of prime Ministers as God’s chosen leader. We are not to change what most people want.  We need to pray for the success of the Prime Minister.” (End of excerpts. Full post here: https://kavvanah.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/rabbi-eliezer-sadan-rav-eli-sadan-his-hands-remained-steady/)

For me, these are some of the most disturbing words I have ever seen. They resemble the writings of Italian dictator Mussolini. He wrote, “All within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state.” and “The keystone of the Fascist doctrine is its conception of the State, of its essence, its functions, and its aims. For Fascism the State is absolute, individuals and groups relative.” And mostly chillingly, “Fascism is a religion. The twentieth century will be known in history as the century of Fascism.”

Mussolini's fascism ruled Italy before and during World War II, which is approximately the same period in which fascism ruled in Germany, Spain, and Romania and totalitarianism in Japan, the USSR and elsewhere, the same period in which the State of Israel emerged. Coincidence? We see otherwise from the writings of Sadan. It is worth noting that Romanian fascism utilized theology and religious symbolism.

I can't decide which of Sadan's views, as summarized by Brill, is the most off the rails but this one is a good candidate, "The whole Torah and its very essence is about state building." This is such crazy comment that I struggle to see why I need to refute it for any Jew that has ever studied the Torah. Sefer Bereshis and the trials and wanderings of the Avos and Imahos – state building? What about Shemos and slavery in Egypt, the receiving of the Torah? Or Vayikra and its detailing of mitzvos? Was the Talmud, which discusses so many topics, in essence about state building? Can we say anything more absurd? Tractates Kiddushin, Gittin, Brachos, Rosh Hashanah, Yoma, Baba Kama? Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai in the cave with his sons studying Torah -- state building? How? What was 2,000 years in Exile about? Would Sadan say that the lives of Rav and Shmuel, Rav Ashi, Sadya Gaon, Rashi, the Rambam, the Maharal, the Vilna Gaon, the Baal Shem Tov, the Chofetz Chaim, and R' Moshe Feinstein, to name just a few, who lived in exile, were only a preparation for us and our magnificent work in pouring concrete.

Was the Jewish Agency the presence of God when it was cutting off the peyos of Jewish children in the 1940s? And what about the State and the Yemenite children in the 1950s? When he refers to the military police advancing humanity is that the same military police that knocked three teeth out of the mouth of the little boy in Meah Sha'arim last month? When the national anthem of the country doesn't mention God can it be the anthem of the instrument of God? When the founder of modern Zionism Herzl proposed that all Jews convert to Catholicism was he serving as an instrument of God of the Jews?

And to think that RZs have taken over many leadership positions in the military. One can see why the Charedim want no part of the military as the military is not just a defense force, particularly in the religious units. It's an idol worship, a brain washing, and a madness. For the best rebuttal of all, I give you the words of the world-renown Torah sage and leader HaGaon HaRav Chayim Ozer Grodzensky zt'l ((1863-1940):

“Your honour knows that in the matter of the Zionists and the Mizrachi, I am in correspondence with the Gaonim of this generation, and all of them have decided that Zionism is the work of the Sitro Achro with all its seductions and incitements for the purpose of turning Israel from the good path, and that a great danger arises from it for all the Congregation of the Exile--Heaven forbid--and that all those who venture to defend the Zionists, are no better than they.

“To our shame, some rabbis in our country have joined the Zionists and have founded an organisation under the name of Mizrachi, and they have rejected all the rebukes of the Gedoilei Hatorah, and they pretend to be men with respect for the Word of the Lord. They have founded committees and it is likely that they will turn to your honour. I am therefore informing your honour that all the Gedoilim in our land are perplexed at the matter. In the books of the Poskim there is no suggestion that it is our duty to found a kingdom. On the contrary, our sages, the Tenoim and the Amoiroim, have expressly forbidden this. These rabbis of the Mizrachi have no faith, and do not trust in the salvation of the Lord and their minds have become deranged into believing that in a state founded by the hands of man there will be peace for us.”

[HaGaon HaTzadick HaRav Chayim Ozer Grodzensky zt'l in the Transformation (Brooklyn, NY: Hachomo, 1989) p. 187)] 

Women's violence: Truth revealed after 50 years

Truth revealed after 50 years 'Study determines women most at risk of being harmed by men are those who themselves engage in physical violence against men'.

Prof. Zeev Weinstock of the University of Haifa, one of the world's leading experts on violence between spouses, revealed this week the truth about violence between spouses, a truth hidden from the public.

Weinstock made an emotional speech at the first ever meeting of the Distributive Justice and Social Equality Committee, headed by MK Mickey Zohar (Likud). "For almost 50 years we have known that men's violence towards women takes place in similar proportions to the violence that women use against men in intimate relationships, in almost every culture and society that we know," said Weinstock, "from traditional societies to liberal Western societies.

Advice

"Only take advice from someone you really respect and if that advice doesn't suit you man, don't listen to it." Mitch Hedburg

songwriting is channeling

songwriting is channeling
i've learned to get out of my own way and be surprised by the song

john mellencamp, paraphrased

ORA and Agunos

Important Material

Rashbo in VII:414

David Eidensohn You are fighting a battle with emotion. I leave emotion alone. I present proofs from the poskim, Shulchan Aruch, etc., and that is final. Who can permit pressuring a husband for a GET in defiance of the Shulchan Aruch, the Ramo, the Vilna Gaon, the Beis Shmuel and the Chelkaas Mechokake? Nobody disagrees. The Rashbo in VII:414 clearly teaches that it is forbidden to pressure a husband to give a GET and nobody in the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 77 par2-3 disagrees. Also, when a woman humiliates a husband or forces a GET from him in secular court or other places, and she remarries and has children, those children are probably mamzerim. Yes, let's leave out the emotion. Let's talk facts and mamzerim. They will do the job.

Dorothy lived in Kansas

Dorothy lived in Kansas a wind destroyed four came seeking home the rabbis say wisdom

This is a how the Gemara might tell the story of the Wizard of Oz. This is not to say that the Gemara is a bad story teller but that it is not a story teller. It is a notebook written in short hand. The rabbi is supposed to tell the full tale. The Gemara just reminds him of the barest elements of the story.

The Mishnah is even more succinct. Here's how it might describe the USA's constitutional system:

Three groups. One enacts, one judges, one wages war.

Is there more to the subject? I think there's a little more to say about a political-legal system that came to dominate the planet earth.

Let us not forget what we often forget that the Oral Torah was not supposed to be written down, so when the danger of losing it all due to exile necessitated redaction, the redaction was kept to a minimum. The Talmud is not a textbook and not any kind of contemporary book. In our era of computer based publishing, it's pretty darn easy to put many words on a page, much easier even than in the movable type era, where is was incomparably easier than in the era of monks writing in long hand, which was easier still than in Mishnaic times where paper was a commodity. We are used to books spelling out every detail of a message. This is not how most Torah commentary was written over the centuries.

This means that a shiur cannot consist merely of reading from a text. However, that is exactly what shiurim have become, particularly regular shiurim. Sometimes, you get the photocopy of sources which the speaker uses to patch together a lesson of some kind. That he reads the sources too quickly without telling you where to find them on the page is a separate problem of our problematic approach to Hebrew instruction. I have discussed that elsewhere. But the regular shiur, the kind we experience much of the time, is a reading. Whether it be Daf HaYomi, Mishnah, Mishneh Berurah, Duties of the Heart, or Tanya, the "maggid shiur" just reads without offering much in the way of background, explanation, or insights.

For baal habatim attending an hour a week class, it's survivable, even though not edifying. For children in school it's soul murder. The boredom is crushing. The kids - boys in particular - go 8-5 in a crowded barren classroom listening to a reading of cryptic material. The rebbe's don't explain. It's almost as if doing anything but reading straight text is considered "goyish." I say, reading straight from the text without commentary is goyish. But mostly it's just ignorance.

Many rebbes today are not educators. They are kollel guys who needed to find work. Some are warm people but that doesn't make them interesting, doesn't mean they know how to teach. Teachers have to get into the minds of students. They need technique. Oftentimes, the best teachers were not the best at their subjects. Thus, they developed tricks for acquiring the material. The gifted student is often the worst teacher. A teacher, like anyone in any profession, needs skill.

This involves more than warmth and even caring. I think many of the more well meaning people in Jewish education or rabbinics have gone a little bananas with personal warmth, stories, and song. I once spent a Shabbos with a family that does kiruv at an elite university. I was shocked, stunned to see this very well meaning nice guy fail to share with the students any Torah at his Shabbos table. His whole angle was warmth, singing, and showing off his children in an attempt to advertise the joys of family life - as if non-frum people cannot have family life. Is he really going to compete with the world of secular entertainment with a few zmiros? What he needed to do was say something meaningful before these very bright and intellectually included college students.

Perhaps because Torah Jews, particularly the children, are a captive audience, many schools don't make an effort to be engaging. After all, you have no choice but to attend the school and they can always threaten you with gehennom, that catch all for religious motivation. The focus, particularly in Israel, seems to be more on gaining admission to school, ie the family winning over the school, than the school winning over the family or the student. Also, there is an assumption today, an arrogant one, that the yeshiva world conquered Reform, is sitting pretty, and can wow anyone with the magic of Torah. By magic of Torah I don't mean the magic of true Torah thought, but anything connected to Torah. A cold reading of a cryptic text will do. Just open the book and the magic just flies off the page. Yes, this is magical thinking and possibly avodah zara.

You can always spot avodah zara by the child sacrifice that results from it. Sending boys to stupid wars is an example of martial avodah zara. Ruining children through needless divorce is an example of the feminist avodah zara. Sending non-Hebrew speaking teenagers on aliyah is an example of Zionist avodah zara. And so there's a Torah avodah zara that turns the Torah into a book of magic that doesn't make for a very good school teacher. It may move galaxies but it doesn't move children.

What is the connection to Torah Im Derech Eretz? Just look at Rav Hirsch's writings, he makes ideas come alive. He doesn't just recite them. The German approach is to focus on the world that we actually live in, not mysterious higher worlds. As Rav Hirsch wrote:
God's Law does not deal with things that are supernatural or not of this world; instead, it includes every aspect of a full life which can be lived here below. Therefore these laws are עדות, the testimony of God's truths for all our earthy relationships, and hence they are עדות, because they crown all our earthy affairs with the ornament of human nobility which find favor in the eyes of God. The prerequisite for the true fulfillment of God's laws is knowledge, as thorough as possible, of all the realities of human affairs on earth. (Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch on Tehillim 119:99)
I fear that the contemporary focus on schar limud Torah, that compared to other mitzvos, and the kabbalistic effects of limud Torah have produced an other worldly approach to it. This combined with our forgetting that the Oral Torah is Oral even when printed in books has resulted in some very poor educational practices.

Beit isn't one group

Beit isn't one group with one leader just like Aleph isn't. And who can control crazy individuals? Recently in Aleph a chiloni man walked up to a religious Jew here and punched him in the eye, out of the blue, random. Why didn't you personally stop him? Happens more than you think. Recently, I was playing ball in a park with little kids and a bunch of Daati Leumi Israeli teenagers chased us away so they could play soccer. Why didn't you stop them? Have you ever seen the non-Charedi teenagers who throw rocks at people in Park Center park? My neighbor was hit with one rock and has a bruise. How can you personally allow this to continue? Before Purim some non-Charedi teens dropped a firecracker in a plastic bottle two feet from some swings on Basur. The horrendous explosion was incredibly loud and gave some small children there ringing in the ears. Why didn't you stop it? These are all actions done by non-Charedi youth in Aleph.

A believing Jew never lives at the mercy of any gentile.

He lives at the mercy of Hashem. If he finds himself in the hands of gentiles it is due to the fact that he sinned and Hashem sent him to exile to learn a lesson. It is not the IDF that keeps us safe. Hashem keeps us safe. Have you ever noticed that Israel has never fought a war against an enemy that was bigger than its own defense forces? Hashem made it so. No disrespect to the IDF but I don't think they'd stand a chance against Russia or China or the USA. They might even lose to Turkey. Hashem keeps us safe. Saying that we can keep our selves safe with guns is heresy, just another form of secular materialism, a faith in technology and physical power.

since the founding of the state

מאז קום המדינה נרצחו בארץ הרבה יותר יהודים מאשר מחוץ לארץ, אף שבמשך רוב הזמן חיו יהודים רבים מחוץ לאדמה. אז איך המדינה מגינה על היהודים.

since the founding of the state many times more jews have been killed in the land than outside the land even though for most of that time many more Jews lived outside the land. So how does the State protect Jews.

They are ideologues.

There will be exceptions but I wouldn't expect any dialogue with these people. They are ideologues. And as R' Berel Wein puts it "You should never argue with an ideologue because his is always right." The moment you even attempt to discuss marriage or divorce with an eye towards justice or decency for men they lose it. They are coming from a secular perspective that the Torah is bad for women and just wonderful for men in every way and they must do everything in their power to correct that. And any man who ever, ever for a second advocates for himself or for his kids is obviously a monster and a demon to be shunned and shamed. They are quite sure of this so there's nothing to discuss and certainly not with the likes of you. Interestingly the men are much more vehement than the women, who for the most part are more reasonable if a bit hysterical. Even though their group allegedly works for social justice it really only considers social justice for certain types of people. White Jewish males aren't considered. Again, they take their queues from secular liberalism. My suggestion is that you look at radical Modern Orthodox advocacy groups as a different religion. Dealing with them is the equivalent of ecumenical dialogue. Would you debate Orthodox Jewish marriage with a Christian? Would you discuss it with a Reconstructionist Jew? There are tremendous rifts in the Orthodox world today and it seems more and more that the different sides should just stay away from other. They need a divorce. Hopefully, the radical Modern Orthodox activist crowd will not withhold the get.

"Never question where love comes from.

Leonard Cohen's Advice To Jennifer Warnes About Love
Jennifer Warnes: "I phoned Leonard on the day that my mother – who in many ways was my ‘significant other’ – died. ‘Was that somehow strange, devoting one’s life to one’s mother?’ I asked. His response was impeccable:"
"Never question where love comes from. We have no control over these things. From a stranger, a mother, a dog, or that perfect mate, it comes from wherever it comes. You were lucky, in fact – everyone hopes to find love in the place that you found it."
Source: "Leonard Cohen – as remembered by Jennifer Warnes" by Marcus Webb (Slow Journalism: 7 November 2016) https://goo.gl/nvzm3j

Great comment on a FB group that debated gittin

Alright. That's enough for today. We are not going to get anywhere. I think frum klal yisrael needs to split into two groups - Charedi and Modern. And they should have nothing to do with each other. They should stop writing articles about each other. Just stay apart. Like a divorce. Because they are just too different at this point. Each fills itself with outrage about the other; although I must say that the MO/lefties tend to get more outraged and spend more of their time talking about the Charedim than the Charedim talk about them. There's very little sharing of values anymore. Are the MO going to withhold the get?

you've gotta to decide

"You had to hold your nerve, but then you do in life. You know. You get to all sorts of occasions that throw you and you've gotta to decide I'm going under or I'm going up."

Paul McCartney

don't wait

It sort of made me feel like you have to do that thing you want to do you can't wait.

Suzzana Hoff on John Lennon's death

Swing

Don't change your swing it got you into the big leagues. Change where you stand in the batter's box.
Pete Rose

dogs

I see many dogs on my mail route. I'll bet there's not one type of mutt or mongrel I haven't run across. If you ask me, they have no business living amongst us. Vile, USELESS BEASTS . . .

c'neged culam

I hear often in the frum world that Torah study is the greatest mitzvah, that even one word of it equals all the other mitzvos, and sometimes it seems that it's the only mitzvah that the charedi yeshiva world cares about. One hears phrases like "learning isn't just another mitzvah" a phrase that seems degrading to mitzvos to me. I find it also demotivating because I as a woman don't have the chiyuv of Torah study in the way that they mean. You can tell me that my support of his study 'counts' as study but it doesn't feel like study. I'm still not experiencing it. I'm happy to experience mitzvos but this becomes problematic when mitzvos are degraded. Also, my husband as a baal habayis has limited time for study. Even if we do all that we can to squeeze out more time, study is a fraction of the day. Most of our lives are mitzvos but the mitzvos seem to be looked at as nuisances. Yet Shlomo says at the end of Koheles that "the sum of the matter is to fear God and keep His commandments." He doesn't say that the sum of the matter is to study Gemara. In trying to rebuild yeshivos and scholarship after the Shoah, have we as a community gone too far and gotten off track? 

As a part II to this question (maybe it's an entirely separate question) I'm 100% sure that one or all of the panelists are going to reference the Mishnah "Talmud Torah c'neged culam" as proof that the current sentiment is correct. Yet, it doesn't seem so simple to me. Since when does c'neged mean equal?  The common translation of ezer cnegdo is helpmate with cnegdo meaning mate as in mated to. This fits in well with the Talmudic idea that learning is great because it leads to doing. It is mated, connected to doing. Moreover, we have several similar statements of Chazal regarding things being cneged such as Eretz Yisroel is cneged culam, tzitzis is cneged culam, Shabbos is cneged culam. Even lashon hara is cneged culam. They can't all be greater than each other. That's logically impossible. Rather, they all are mitzvos or aveiros that have tentacles in all other mitzvos, they influence all the other ones.

Vaknin Links

The Narcissist's Victims http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq38.html Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html Mourning the Narcissist http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq68.html The Three Forms of Closure http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse17.html Back to La-la Land http://vaksam.tripod.com/journal78.html The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq6.html Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid of Him? http://vaksam.tripod.com/5.html Traumas as Social Interactions http://vaksam.tripod.com/trauma.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq80.html The Malignant Optimism of the Abused http://vaksam.tripod.com/journal27.html The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists http://vaksam.tripod.com/faq66.html Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html The Dependent Patient - A Case Study http://vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily.html The Cult of the Narcissist http://vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5013 Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5002 Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5000 Guilt? What guilt? https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4931 Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4920 The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4959 I miss him so much - I want him back! https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4934 Participate in discussions about Abusive Relationships - click on these links: https://plus.google.com/communities/116582645889927140499 http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/ The Narcissistic Abuse Study List http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/ The Toxic Relationships Study List http://groups.yahoo.com/group/toxicrelationships Abusive Relationships Newsletter http://groups.google.com/group/narcissisticabuse/

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Go for it

"If you feel something that strongly, you have to go for it."  Deon Estus